It was announced on the 1st April 2011 that there is at long last to be a reform of the current legislation and grandparents are expected to be given legal rights to see their grandchildren following a family breakdown.

Parents will be encouraged to enter into a ‘parenting agreement’ with, if required, the assistance of a mediator.  The reform is also likely to provide children with the right to choose which parent he/she wishes to live with after the separation.

Until such time as the legislation is in place we have detailed below some guidance notes which you may find useful during what can be both a sad and difficult time.  Following these steps, should you not be able to reach an agreement with the parents to see your grandchildren, may also add strength to your case should you have to take legal action in the future:

• It is normal to feel angry towards your child’s partner– and sometimes towards your own child.  Try to be understanding towards both of your grandchildren’s parents.
• Try to be understanding if your child’s former partner does not wish to speak to youor does not, initially return any contact made by you.  Remember, they are probably struggling with their own emotions – and may be wary of your views.  Give them time.
• Try not to take sides – this can be difficult -  it is natural to want to defend your own child – but remember, your grandchildren have two parents whom they love.
• Listen and be guided by your childin regard to any contact with your grandchildren in the immediate aftermath of the separation.  Try not to undermine the efforts of either parent to resolve the situation.
• Be clear that you want to support your grandchildren and continue to see them.  A short note to both parents explaining this may be helpful.
• Offer help and support in caring for your grandchildrento give their parents – and your grandchildren – some space.  This may be particularly important if they cannot immediately physically separate and are continuing to live in the family home.
• It is tempting to blame the other parent if you do not immediately have contact with your grandchildrenafter the separation – but remember – everyone is trying to cope with all that is happening.  That includes your grandchildren – they may be very upset, angry or just shocked.  Younger children may just want to be with their parents – older children may be embarrassed and uncertain what to say to you – give everybody some breathing space.
• If your grandchildren are spending time with you– be careful not to criticise either of their parents.  Children may be very interested in your reactions as a gauge to their own feelings or what you might expect from them.
• Reassure your grandchildrenthat although things are difficult, they will get better, that their parents love them and that will not change – and that you are always available to them and will not take sides.

Verisona’s family team have many years of experience providing legal guidance to their clients with sensitivity and empathy.  Please do not hesitate to contact us if you would like to discuss this article or any other family matters in more detail.